my gosh..

i cannot believe i am saying this.. but i'm admitting that i'm conyo.. i was enlightened by my friend marc.. well i invited him to read my blog saying that he might be able to understand some of it since i write with some english in it.. well, he read some of it and commented that it was funny and interesting to read it coz sometimes he could understand it then not. so i asked him to give an example.. THEN I READ MY OWN WRITING!!! IT'S SOOOOOO CONYO! i could not believe it.. i just now read my previous entry.. and yes, it is soooooo conyo! i am! i am conyo! i cannot believe it..

it's not that i want to be "cool" or anything.. or that i can't write perfect english (which i'm doing by the way just to prove that i can) or tagalog (well.. not really but at least i can do it decently..) it's just easier to type that way.. it jsut goes to show how much i've integrated my 2 languages.. my roommate says that it must be fun being able to think in 2 different languages.. and yes, i agree.

so now back to conyo.. maybe.. :P

hayy that was hard to type.. anyways.. so i wanted to talk about directing.. i tried my hand in directing before.. i.e. 1st year bible projects, 3rd year speech thingy.. the reason that i want to direct is because i am always so uncomfortable performing in front of other people esp. when it's going to be recorded for posterity.. and i don't like the way i look (that's a self esteem issue i won't discuss..) anyhoo.. i always stay behind the scenes. i always feel more comfortable being in control of stuff rather than being "controlled" by someone else.. well i guess it depends on who coz i would gladly follow someone who i know would do a good job. it's like, if i know i could do a better job than anyone, i'll take the job. (if i'm not making any sense.. it's like 5am so bug off.. dun worry.. it's the weekend.. no classes tom)

so i'm taking drama 101 right now and we're talking about the technical aspects of theater. NOW i know why the 3rd year thing SUCKED so BAD!

as director, i should've read the play better, interpreted it more, PLANNED a schedule, had more rehearsals (run throughs) or CONCEPTUALIZED basically.. i did NOT do anything that what i'm learning now said i should've done. i did not think about what i wanted to bring to the audience.. i did not know what the theme was, or what the point of the play was.. i did not CARE at all about the play.. and i think that's why it sucked so bad.. honestly.. i did not like the script at all.. well, the writing was good.. but the plot.. man o man.. it has the makings of a really bad horror movie.. honestly.. sorry adda.. but i really did not like it.. i still marvel at the fact that i succumbed to peer pressure and decided to go through with it.. my o my.. stupid me.. we should've changed it.. or at least made it better.. and at least thought of a theme.. or a relevance.. or even thought of why we were doing this other than for the grade.. and if i could do it over, i would recast everyone except adda.. she was perfect for the bad girl role.. hahaha :P man o man.. i was and still am sooooo disappointed about that thing.. i know that we all had fun.. but no, i did not sometimes.. i got SO stressed that time.. remember when i cried..? pressure man.. and the "immaturity" of some people.. SOME.. SOMETIMES.. argh.......

i am tirading this because i was thinking about it a great deal because i have to be a "director" again for our final project, at least on paper anyway.. i have to make a director's notebook about any play, conceptualizing like theme, set, costume, music, lighting, casting, etc. and now because of my failure before, i do not know if i can do a good job of it. i feel that i might fail again.. but who knows, maybe i've learned something.. hayyy... i'm actually considering (if my TA would allow it) using adda's script and using that.. hahah kinda like a second chance maybe? i dunno.. TA means teaching assistant or the person who's going to give me my grade..

so there.. i feel kinda tired and relieved at the same time..

i really like my roommate.. she's great.. :D she's crazy too.. she's nice and fun.. hehe.. i really like talking to her.. i feel as if i've known her for longer that i actually have.. i've been telling her a lot about everybody.. hehehe :P

anyway.. i have not inserted a single filipino word in this post.. just to prove i'm not conyo.. maybe in the next post i'll be all tagalog-like.. hahhahaah :P